Marry For Love Or Convenience?
For the longest time, India has lived on the concept of arranged marriage and Indians hold this topic of discussion as their all-time favourite. This debate of how we, as Indians, willingly embrace the way of finding partners via the process of everything being 'arranged' for us stands vis-a-vis to the concept of love marriage, which involves falling in love and getting married to someone who wasn't served on a platter for convenience.
Since India is a country of opinions, we, here at Halabol, happened to capture some of the sentiments and view points of our followers on Twitter along with our Facebook users on the issue. The opinions captured on Twitter were part of a Halabol debate on the topic triggered from the Satyamev Jayate episode on Honour Killings. While on Facebook, Halabol posted a question on the topic and many jumped to add their stand.
The debate witnessed mixed responses where many favoured love marriage, while others preferred an arranged set up. Some feel that it is okay to opt for an arranged marriage if you haven't been able to find your true love, whereas, others are of the view that it's not sane to connect love with arranged marriage. Others felt that arranged marriage still exists bacause kids are not allowed to choose and that they don't have the freedom to love, whilst some think that arranged marriage takes off the load to find a marriageable partner.
@loiyumba tweeted to @halabol, that parents don't react indifferently towards love marriage where he comes from. However, @pankajmishra13 feels that love shouldn't be related with the procedure of choosing a life partner since love can't be restricted. @Vashtimagazine believes that a good number of arranged marriages are successful in India, and @runjoo agrees that arranged marriage couldn't be classified as good or bad as it depends on how one enters the situation. While many tweeted that an arranged marriage can be forced on an individual, @BPiali feels that even love marriage can be forced when one of the partner is not ready to commit in a relationship. @HopeNetwork4U is of the view that the pressure factor is different in arranged marriages because of the difference in the kind of expectations.
Our Facebook page carried the question- Would you be willing to sacrifice your love for your parent's sake or would you take a risk and go against your parent's wishes? Ravikant Sharma replied saying that he'd go against his parent's wishes for the sake of love. Mohit Pandey felt differently, and posted that he would sacrifice his love because his parents are far more important to him. Susan Dsouza feels that even though parents know what's good for you, it's better to make your own choice. Manash J Talukdar had a practical standpoint, and added that marriage is a long term relationship and shouldn't be viewed from an amotional point of view.
What comes out of this discussion across both forums is that the concept of marriage is more of a tradition in the country where 90% marry in an arranged set-up. The parents and elderly play a key role in Indian marriages, who live with the huge responsibility of settling their kids as soon as they turn marriageable age. They invest significant time and energy in finding a suitable match for their kids on the basis of pre-set parameters such as caste, stature, class, etc.. The kids have little say in this process and often are considered rebels if they marry on their own terms. In other words, even if they marry for love, they have to engage in endless convincing and discussions. Love marriage doesn't come easy and is accepted with friction.
On the other hand, there are absolutely very few who get to marry for love without having to convince their parents. They are born in a broad outlook where parents understand the importance of marriage as an institution and allow their kids to choose for themselves. This small section also sees arranged marriages, but the choice belongs to the one who has to marry. Parents belonging to this niche community are often seen giving their children freedom to make their choices in life, including that related to marriage.
But, thankfully, the latter section is evolving, and hopefully, India will soon see a shift where people will marry for love, love or arranged!
So all out there planning on marriage, don't think about if it should be arranged or not. If you happen to find that one person who makes your life worth living, then we suggest, you simply go for it!
And like @halabol concluded: "Love Marriage & Arranged Marriage come from different roots, but lead to the same fruit = marriage.
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